.com ---- Nicolas Cage stars in The Wicker Man as a traumatized police officer investigating a lost girl on a mysterious, mist-shrouded island of imperious women and dimwitted men. Summoned by his ex-fiancee (Kate Beahan, Flightplan, who seems to have borrowed her lips from Angelina Jolie), Edward Malus (Cage, Adaptation.) blusters his way into a closed religious community by flashing his out-of-state badge around and insulting everyone he meets. To describe The Wicker Man any further would deprive viewers of enjoying the staggering ineptness of this absurd remake of the fairly creepy 1973 original. Despite a talented cast (including Ellen Burstyn, Requiem for a Dream, Molly Parker, Deadwood, and Leelee Sobieski, Joy Ride), the performances are uniformly awful, with Cage leading the pack; his overwrought cries of "How'd it get burned?!?" will provoke barks of laughter. Arbitrary wierdness abounds--ranging from animal masks to a body-stocking of bees--in a flailing effort to distract the audience from the narrative running madly off the rails. Maybe writer/director Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men, The Shape of Things) aspired to create a fever dream of male fears about women, but the result is a deformed hybrid of Invasion of the Bee Girls and The Village. A future camp classic. --Bret Fetzer">
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